How do Parental Disputes Affect our Kids?
Conflicts with our partners can take a toll on us. The yelling, anger and exhaustion that follow are often painful processes. Disagreements are natural in any relationship. Though it is impossible to completely avoid conflict, attempting to diminish the negative effects of conflict is just as important as resolving conflicts. The consequences of conflicts do not only affect us as individuals after all, but also affect anyone who happens to be around us in an argument—including our children.
In what way does parental conflict affect children?
As BBC reports, “How parents get on with each other also plays a big role in a child's wellbeing, with the potential to affect everything from mental health to academic success and future relationships.”
International research has shown that children living in households where conflict is dealt with through outbursts can show signs of disrupted brain development; sleep disturbance and risks of developing anxiety and depression. This is because stress hormones are consistently released in high levels, at a particularly vulnerable time period.
The alternative to an outburst, the silent treatment, is not a good option either. This behaviour still causes elevated stress as tension is in the air. Children are intuitive and can sense the dispute regardless, and are taught to withdraw rather than deal with their emotions when exposed to this behaviour.
Surprisingly, divorces and separations often do not affect children as much as initially thought, but the arguments surrounding this event are often more troubling. As BBC reports:
“For example, divorce - and parents deciding to live apart - has often been seen as having a particularly damaging and lasting effect on many children.
But in some cases, it is now thought that it could be the arguments that take place between parents before, during and after a separation that do the damage, rather than the break-up itself.”
When children experience parental conflict without discussion, they may also blame themselves. This causes feelings of worthlessness and isolation—further endangering the child’s mental health.
How can you better deal with conflict? Try having private discussions away from your children, discussing calmly and consoling your children after a particularly volatile dispute. For help on how to deal with this, try mediation. A third party can help resolve conflicts, and teach valuable coping skills, which will minimize the destructive nature of a disagreement. Our children are our priorities as parents, so why not take some steps to help them feel their best despite difficult circumstances.
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